What I would do for a clean house, twenty-four hours a day. Every. Day.
I cleaned today, and because I cleaned, hey-oh….I cooked dinner! I mean, I always cook dinner, but I tried tonight. Made an effort. I made a “dish”. Not just a (gross) green drink and quesadillas.
When I don’t cook, its because everything is a mess and its totally overwhelming to think about making a mess, amongst the mess. Not into it. I also think, “You know what, I gotta save myself to clean this place up! I can’t waste precious energy on cooking dinner.” So there’s that logic too.
I prioritize.
To those of you who don’t have this problem, and don't know what I'm talking about because your house is generally very clean,
- I envy your drive to be type-A all of the time. You probably have cute little wicker baskets with a chalk board frame hanging on the front labeling contents like “shoelaces” and “red blocks”.
- I wish I had your budget, which clearly includes a housekeeper.
- I think you need to go play with your kids and let your laundry stack up a little. Some day they’re going to have to describe their childhood in a college class, or to a therapist, or to a new girlfriend or boyfriend, and you don’t want them to say “My mother? What was she like growing up? Well, she was constantly vacuuming. And wiping down counters.” You want them to say “My mom built forts, and read us Harry Potter, and wrestled, and made my stuffed animals talk, and threw water balloons at me, and chased my dog, and tickled me until I was mad” and things like that.
Its hard to do it all though. I get it.
If I’m not careful, I spend my whole day changing diapers, throwing them away, refilling the diaper box with new ones, making a meal, serving a meal, cleaning up the meal, gathering the laundry, running the laundry, folding the laundry, putting away the laundry, picking up the toys, vacuuming, picking up the toys again, picking up the toys again, picking up the toys again, distributing crackers, sweeping the crackers, on and on and on and on, and before I know it, I miss the most important part of the day. Which, is teaching my two year-old that “elephant” is actually pronounced “elephant”, and not “elka”, although not to be ashamed, that’s a common mistake.
Still. What I would do for a house that stays clean.
Literally, let me tell you.
I would drive my 15 year-old van for the rest of my life. The emergency brake light blinks on and off while you drive. Don’t care.
I would jump off the bridge, at the zoo, where all the koi swim below. This is three-fold undesirable: I don’t like heights, I don’t like murky water, I don’t like being amongst fish. This particular pond is the most disgusting combination of each of those elements. Although its mostly disgusting because the fish are truly coming out of the water, piling on top of each other to get the fish food that people drop them. Its so gross to see their huge bodies, I could just barf. Piles of wet koi. I would dive into that.
I would reach out and call a yellow jacket to me, and hold it. In my closed, cupped hands, I would hold it, and let it freak out. It would sting and bite and not die, because as I said, its a yellow jacket, not a bumble bee.
These are just a few ideas.
Until I can somehow negotiate one of these trades with the universe, I will just keep doing what I’m doing. I will have a really deep-cleaned house sometimes, a really messy house sometimes, a microwaved dinner sometimes, a recipe-followed dinner sometimes, and I will just strive to keep my family on their toes with the instability of our lives.
