Going to the Store With Twins

People frequently inquire, “So… how do you go to the store with twins?” My answer to this question is that I push my stroller while pulling my cart. Here are the keys to this monumental feat:

•  Moving like a bat out of hell, not making eye contact with anyone who might slow me down to comment on how much my twins look alike. When this happens, and it will, I catch my subconscious remarking impatient and terse things… actually they don’t ya crazy lady/they’re fraternal/I think you just woke them up/I now have twenty less minutes to get this done/etc.. I think I become less of a human when I enter the store. Someone is being really nice, and all I can think is “excuse me, please God, I really need to get to the paper plates”. It’s pathetic.

• Occasionally abandoning my cart and running things back to it like a game show contestant.  The trick here is to immediately place a few items in the cart so when it sits alone in aisle 3 another shopper doesn’t take possession of it. But really, who doesn’t take a cart into the grocery store? If you don’t need a cart, you probably don’t need to be there until next week when you have more of a shortage of items in your kitchen.

• Repeatedly saying “sorry, very sorry” as I knock things off shelves. This happens mostly when turning. On the straight-aways, I pick up speed baby! Around corners, I am the bull in the china shop. It doesn’t matter. Sacrifices must be made.  I acknowledge publicly that my stroller will need to be listed in “fair-poor” condition when I go to re-sell it on craigslist in a few years.

• Having a very focused look so people are a bit frightened and clear aisles as I approach. Frizzy hair and a bit of a disheveled appearance help here. Maintaining this state is easy with two infants.

• Being prepared to either a) forget things, even though they were definitely written on my list, or b) lose my list entirely (sometimes prior to entering the store, sometimes within the store).

• Last, speed is critical. A quick, polite nod will suffice as people make such keen observations as “wow, you’ve got your hands full!!” I sure do. Now if you could actually move your cart to the right six inches so this volatile caravan could access the Cheerios, that would be greattt....

And that's how I go to the store. 

I should add, I occasionally order online and get my groceries delivered. Although the delivery method is not as exciting as the one I described above, they do bring the bags right into my kitchen... which is awesome.