How to Keep Infants Awake

I totally dropped the ball in training my twins to be good sleepers. Consult another blog for tips on how to make babies sleep, or read this to learn how to keep infants awake.

Top 5 Steps to Keeping Infants Awake

1.    Give them everything they want, particularly in the middle of the night. More milk? You got it! Your binkie, the one you just threw out of your crib? No problem, I found it!! It was on the wall-side of your crib, by the baseboard, and I broke my back to get to it and sucked off the dust… but here ya go, little baby!

2.    Let them sleep on you and next to you, even if that means you get a portion of the bed equivalent to a bacon strip. I promise you won’t roll over on them, because you’ll never get into that black-out state of sleep with your shoulder throbbing from putting all your weight on it.

3.    Use a really uncomfortable Pack n’ Play as a basinet; its such a high quality cardboard mattress.

4.    Don’t let them cry. It reflects poorly on your parenting skills if they do, and all those people who watch you operate in the middle of the night might judge you.

5.    Have a really obnoxious dog, one you haven’t trained not to bark. Make sure he barks at everything, like a cabinet door opening, or you dropping a pen. It shouldn’t be hard in his newfound state of confusion and neglect.

So there you have it, you’re on your way to successful sleep deprivation!!